(This is going be a long rant so unless
you don’t have time, just read the last paragraph and I’m gonna go full
spoilers so if you really care, then don’t read this) You’re tearing me apart
“The Room!!” Now…..I can’t tell you how much this movie is bad. I mean MY GOD!
This is the worst of the worst. The steepest pit. GAAAHHHH! I DON’T WANT TO
WRITE ABOUT IT!! Every line misses its mark. Every character is unlikable. Even
the supposedly caring mother is a terrible person. Even with the main
character, Jonny, the person we are supposed to identify with, has absolutely
nothing remotely good! I LAUGHED at the loop-holes, dialogue, conflict,
wall-to-wall gratuitous sex scenes, characters, and EVERYTHING in between. You
might say, “Dude, you just gotta let go and just laugh at the whole movie,” NO!
You don’t know what you are asking for! And sadly I am supposed to dissect this
whole thing which will probably give me cancer thinking about it again.
It
stars Tommy Wiseau. You probably never ever heard of that name and never knew
it existed until you either watched this movie or watched a review of it. He
also wrote, produced, and directed this atrocity. He has some job that is never
told but apparently it gives him lots of Benjamins. He is in love with Lisa
played by Juliette Danielle. She is the type of character that you wouldn’t
care if she would go to rot in the deep depths of hell, but I’ll get into that
later. Jonny loves Lisa. Jonny adopted Denny who is the most pointless and
weird character ever put in film. In one scene, Jonny and Lisa are going to “take
a nap” and then Denny asks if he can go up too….I mean wow…..Anyways, Jonny and
Lisa love each other right? Wrong. Lisa tells her mother that she doesn’t love
him anymore and then after she leaves; Lisa calls Jonny’s best friend Mark to “talk.”
Then guess what happens! Well I’ll leave that up to you. You can probably guess
it goes from there. Jonny has a relationship with Lisa and Mark but Jonny doesn’t
know about it.
The
writing is the worst, most disturbing, laughable, worst acted, most stupid, and
just plain bad things that gush out of the film. Let me give you an example: Johnny:
[walks into flower shop] Hi. Flower Shop Clerk: Can I help you? Johnny:
Yeah, can I have a dozen red roses, please? Flower Shop Clerk: Oh, hi,
Johnny. I didn't know it was you. [grabs bouquet of roses] Flower Shop Clerk:
Here you go. Johnny: That's me. How much is it? Flower Shop Clerk:
It'll be eighteen dollars. Johnny: [hands over cash] Here you go. Keep
the change. [grabs flowers and pats dog on the counter] Johnny: Hi, doggy.
Flower Shop Clerk: You're my favorite customer. Johnny: Thanks a
lot. Bye! Flower Shop Clerk: Buh-bye! There are no words….
Remember
about what I said about Lisa being the worst person in the movie? Well let me
tell you why. Not only is she cheating on her fiancé (while still being in an
affair with Jonny) she does it at a party when no one is there, she calls him
while Jonny is in the bathroom. I MEAN COME ON. Dump the guy instead of just…*inhale*
*exhale* And at the very end Jonny kills himself cause he figured out about
Lisa so he blows his brains out (I laughed when that happened. Does that make
me a bad person?) Lisa and Mark go to his apartment and then she says that now
they are free to be together…….GGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! SHE SHOULD
HAVE DIED! WHY DIDN’T JONNY KILL HER!?! WHY IS SHE STILL ALIVE!!???
MY GOD,
THIS MOVIE!!!! It hits everything wrong. I barely touched the surface. I didn’t
talk about the Mother, the plot-holes, the god-awful accent of Tommy Wiseau all
for the sake of my, and your sanity. But you know what?! You should watch. After
this whole rant, I am actually promoting this atrocity of a film. Your probably
thinking to yourself, “The @#$%!?”, but there is a good (bad) reason for this.
As Doug Walker/Nostalgia Critic said, ”This is a movie you have to see to
believe,” and I agree with that statement. In the end, I hate this movie with a
passion and I think you should watch it, to hate it too.
1/10 as a movie
10/10 as a hilarious piece of cinematic atrocity
1/10 as a movie
10/10 as a hilarious piece of cinematic atrocity
